I’ve realized that if I wait until I have a Truly Original Wonderful Blog Idea to write in this, it will probably never get written, and will have an air of forced pretension to it should I actually ever write a post. So I will write about my life, instead, which incorporates all the things I’d kind of like to write about, anyway.
I’ve been fighting with my housemate-and-close-friend for a while now, on and off. Throughout the fall and early winter I was having a difficult time dealing with some anxiety, and I figured that as soon as I started to feel a little bit better, it would go away. Unfortunately, it hasn’t. I’m a little at a loss for what to do — she and I have been good friends for a long time, but I moved in with her even though I knew that I sometimes need some distance from her. Is this just a matter of two people living together who don’t get along as roommates? I’m afraid that might be the case, but I want to exhaust the other possibilities first because any situation involving one of us moving out of the house would probably dissolve our friendship, at least for a while — not to mention the fact that I don’t particularly want to move or look for a new roommate for the last three months of school.
It’s a little frustrating, not being able to understand what’s going on in the head of a close friend. I’ve tried to write without revealing too many details, just to avoid being rude — but I’m realizing now that I don’t have a good idea of what the details actually are. It’s almost as if we just, one day, completely stopped being able to communicate without irritating one another. I think she talks to much, she thinks my terseness is annoying, and so on until we’re blowing up at each other during breakfast (which is what happened today.)
I think the best solution at this point is to give it some time, and then I need to get my thumb out of my ass so we can have a heart-to-heart. I dislike them, as I don’t really like talking about my feelings, but it needs to happen. And then I can write here about more interesting things.
I can’t be entirely certain what shape this space will take. I created it to force myself to work on my writing, and force myself to actually think about things when I’m not working on my thesis. This is not to say, of course, that I will actually write about anything important, but rather that it’s an exercise in writing freely and in forming my opinions about issues.